A. S. Makarenko Reference Archive


Lectures to Parents

Lecture 3
DISCIPLINE


The word discipline has several meanings: rules of behavior, habit training, obedience.....

Sometimes a man is called disciplined who is only obedient. Of course, in the majority of cases, exact and swift fulfillment of directions from a superior organization or an individual is expected. In Soviet society, however, simple obedience is by no means sufficient indication that a man is disciplined. We cannot be satisfied simply with obedience and still less with the blind obedience which was expected in pre-revolutionary schools.

From a Soviet citizen we demand more complicated discipline. We demand that he not only understand why it is necessary to fulfill this or that order but that he actively try to carry out the order in the best possible way. More, we expect that he be prepared to fulfill his duties at any moment without waiting for directives or orders but using initiative and creative will.....

We call a man disciplined only if he knows how, under all circumstances, to conduct himself in the right way, the best way for society, and if he is strong enough to carry through tasks to the end in spite of difficulties and obstacles....

A disciplined Soviet citizen is developed by the whole sum of correct influences among which political education, general education, books, papers, work, social activities, and even play, relaxation and recreation, will have a place.....

So discipline is not developed by special measures but by all the circumstances and influences which affect children. Understood this way, discipline is not a reason, a method, or a means for bringing up children correctly, but the result of it......

But there is a narrower department of educational work which is very near to discipline and is often confused with it -- that is, regime.....If discipline is the result of upbringing, regime is the means......

The family regime must not and cannot be the same in varied situations. The age of the children, their abilities, surroundings, neighbors, living conditions, the road to school, the life on the street, and many other things will influence and change the character of the regime. One regime is suitable for a large family and a completely different one for a family with only one child; one suited to younger children may be wrong for older ones. Older girls require their own special regime. So we must not understand regime as something permanent and unchangeable.....

In some families this mistake is often made; Piously they hold on to a regime undertaken for a special purpose, holding it inviolable to the injury of children's interests and their own. Such an inviolable regime becomes a dead thing, useless and even harmful.

Regime cannot be permanent just because it is a method of upbringing. Everyone bringing up children has a definite aim; however, this aim always changes and becomes complicated.

In early childhood, for example, parents have the task of teaching the child cleanliness. Toward this aim they set up a special regime: baths, correct toilet habits, keeping the room clean, the bed and table orderly. Parents must never forget about this, must see that it is carried out, help if necessary, demand good work. If this is all well organized, it will be very useful and finally the time will come when the child has acquired habits of cleanliness, when he himself will not sit at table with dirty hands. This means that the goal has been reached. The regime needed to achieve this end now becomes superfluous. It must gradually be changed to another..... So we see that the regime is only a method....and we cannot recommend a regime to parents. They must choose the one suited to their circumstances.

In spite of the variety of possible regimes there are, however, certain characteristics that should always be present. First of all, the regime should be consistent.

The regulations chosen for family life are followed not because someone else has adopted them or because they somehow make life pleasanter, but because they are necessary to achieve your chosen and well-understood goal. This goal should, in most cases, also be known by the children. If you insist that the children sit down to dinner at a certain hour, then the children must understand that this order is necessary in order to lighten the work of mother or the domestic helper and also so that several times a day the whole family may gather together to exchange ideas and experiences.....

There are parents who insist that children be silent at the table. Children submit but neither they nor the parents know why such a rule is followed. When the parents are asked about it, they explain that if one talks at table one may choke. Of course, this is senseless. Everybody talks at table and nothing unfortunate happens.....

Every regime must be regular.... If one's teeth must be brushed today, they must be brushed tomorrow; if one's bed must be made today, it must be done tomorrow also. The youngster does not make his bed once - twice. Should one make a fuss about it? Parents say, "It's only a trifle, one must not make the child nervous." Such reasoning is wrong for there are no trifles in education. An unmade bed means the beginning of slovenliness, disregard for an established regime.

The fact that a regime is obligatory and definite can be harmful if parents themselves are insincere, if they demand that children conform but themselves live in a disorderly fashion. Certainly the regime of the parent will differ greatly from the child's. But the difference should not be in principle. If you say that children may not read at the dinner table then you yourself must not do so. Similarly, if the children must wash their hands before eating, don't forget to do so yourself. You can make your own bed, it is not really difficult!....

A time must be established for going to bed and for getting up. The allotment of the child's working hours must be carefully regulated, especially when he goes to school. Hours for eating, playing, going outdoors, etc, should also be established for younger children.... There must be regulations about cleanliness, changing one's clothes, behavior at table.... Children must learn that everything has its proper place and after work or play leave everything in order......

Children need more activity than adults, of course, but do not think that the child must run and scream a great deal in order to use up energy. One must bring up the children so that they will know how to control their activity. Usually, there is no need of running about in the house. For this there is the playground, or garden, out of doors.....

One should also teach children to control their voices screaming, shrieking, loud crying - all this is a sign of disorder. It shows more about the unhealthy nerves of the child than about any real need. Parents themselves are to blame for tense, screaming children. They are tense themselves and instead of creating an atmosphere of secure calm and quiet in the family, raise their own voices to a shriek......

Parents should learn, as early as possible, to use a calm, friendly but decisive tone in giving directions. Children at an early age should be accustomed to this tone, to taking directions and fulfilling them willingly.

Be as affectionate as you like with the children, laugh and play with them, but when the necessity arises, know how to give orders briefly, in such a way and in such a tone that there will be no doubt in your child's mind of the rightness of the order and the necessity for carrying it out.

Parents should learn how to give instructions very early, even when the first child is only a year-and-a-half old. It is not at all difficult, it is only necessary to meet the following requirements:

---Instructions must never be given angrily, loudly, irritably; but they must not sound like an entreaty or appeal, either.

---The order must be within the child's power, fulfillment of it must not demand too great an exertion.

---The order must be reasonable and not go against common sense.

---The order must not contradict those previously given by you or by the other parent.

When instructions have once been given, they must be carried out without fail. It is a very bad thing to give directions and then to forget about them.

What shall one do if the child fails to carry out directions? Above all, try to see that this does not happen. If the child does not obey the first time, repeat the order in a more official and colder tone....Having given the order again and seen that it has been carried out, find out why you had to repeat it. No doubt, you are the guilty one, you did something wrong, there was some oversight. Try to avoid your mistake.

It is very important that the children do not get the habit of disobedience.....

If the regime has been correct from the very beginning and if parents have been careful, punishment will not be needed. There are no punishments in a good family. But there are families where because of neglect and errors, parents cannot make headway without punishment. In such cases, parents often resort to punishment unwisely and spoil more than they help. Punishment certainly is a difficult matter. It requires great tact and care; that is why we urge parents, as far as possible, to avoid using punishments and to try to bring up their children by using the right kind of methods. Of course, this takes time, one must be patient, and quietly await results.

In exceptional cases, one may employ some kind of punishment. For example, withhold a treat or entertainment, postpone a trip to the movies or the circus, withhold pocket money if it is usually given, forbid going out with friends. But once more, parents must remember that if the regime is wrong, punishment will be of no use. If the regime is correct, one may do without punishment, only be patient......

Be cautious, too, in using encouragement. It is never necessary to announce awards or prizes ahead of time. It is best simply to limit oneself to praise and approval. Childish joys, pleasures and entertainment should come to the children not as a reward for good conduct, but in the natural order of things as the legitimate satisfaction of their needs.

That which is necessary to the child must by all means be given to him, regardless of his merits and that which is not necessary or is bad for him must not be granted in guise of a reward.

In summary, discipline is the result of education and regime is the means. Therefore, regime is of various kinds, depending on circumstances. Every regime must be consistent, definite, exact...... The main aim of a regime is to provide experience in disciplined action. With a correct regime, punishment is unnecessary and, in general, should be avoided, as should excessive praise. It is best to rely on a correct regime and patiently await results.