A. S. Makarenko Reference Archive
Sex education is considered one of the most difficult pedagogical problems and there has been more confusion and more wrong ideas about this question than about any other. And yet the problem is not really so difficult in practice; in many families it is resolved very simply. (Sex education becomes difficult when it is overemphasized, undertaken apart from general questions of child education.)
The problems of sex education in the family will be correctly solved if the parents have a clear conception of what they are seeking to achieve. If the goal is clear to the parents, the road to its achievement will also become clear.
Every human being attaining a certain age, lives a sex life but sex life is lived not only by mankind - it is a necessary part of the life of most living substance. The sex life of man should be essentially differentiated from the sex life of animals. Sex education should be concerned with these differences....
Man has developed not only as a zoological species but as a social being. During the course of this development mankind has worked out standards of morality in many spheres of human relationships including that of sex. In a class society, these ideals are often violated. Such violations are inherent in the very structure of the family in such a society, that is, in the position of women and the despotic power of the male. We know that in some countries buying and selling of women goes on even now; in polygamy women are looked upon only as objects of man's pleasure; in such ugly practices as prostitution man simply buys woman's favor. We know, too, of situations where husband and wife are compelled to live together whether they want to or not.
The October socialist revolution freed the Soviet family from bondage, freed woman from many forms of degradation by man....Only after the October revolution could sex life approximate the ideal about which mankind has dreamed.
Some people wrongly understood this new freedom. They decided that sex life should be carried on in the haphazard changing about of married couples, so-called "free love."
Such sex life unfailingly coarsens human relationships, vulgarizing them and leading to disintegration of the individual, to unhappiness, to the destruction of the family and orphaning of children....
In his relations with women or men, a Soviet man may not ignore the requirements of social morality which always stand guard over the interests of the whole society. In the sphere of sex, this social morality makes definite demands on every citizen. Parents must bring up the children so that they will become people whose behavior does not conflict with social morality.
In matters of sex, social morality demands that the sex life of human beings, men and women, be in harmony with two aspects of life: with the family and with love. Social morality recognizes sex as truly moral when it is based on mutual love expressed in the family; that is, in the open civil union of man and woman, a union which has two aims: human happiness and the bearing and rearing of children.
The aim of sex education then must be to bring up children so that only in love will they be able to find a satisfying sex life, and so that this satisfaction, this love and happiness, will be realized in the family.....
Correct sex education, like all character training, is achieved at every step if the general organization of family life is right, if a real Soviet man is growing up under the parent's guidance.....
Therefore, some special methods of sex education are not the decisive factor but the entire point of view, the picture of the bringing up as a whole. And so by developing honesty, industry, sincerity, straightforwardness, habits of cleanliness, of telling the truth, respect for other people - for their experience and for their interests - love of country, devotion to the ideas of the socialist revolution, we are, at the same time, educating the child in sex relations. Some of these methods are more pertinent than others to sex education but all taken together contribute to your success...to bringing up the future husband or wife....
There are also special methods particularly intended for sex education. Some people think only of these and consider that they contain the greatest wisdom of pedagogy....Some proponents of these theories state that all upbringing of boys and girls is, in essence, sex education....They worry for fear the youth will not be wisely prepared, will be ashamed, see something secret in sex life. They say that if the child understands everything and if all is explained, if he sees nothing to be ashamed about in sex, he has been correctly brought up in this sphere....
Such advice must be considered cautiously...True, the child often asks where babies come from, but the fact that the child is interested in this question does not mean that, at an early age, everything must be made completely clear to him in detail. It is not only in matters of sex that there are some things the child does not know....We do not rush to burden his mind with things beyond his understanding....There is no special pressing interest in sex questions in the young child. This arises at puberty...questions about the "secrets" of childbirth do not contain sexual curiosity....If we begin to give intimate details about the relations between men and women we encourage curiosity about sex and arouse the child's imagination too early.....
There are other reasons for opposing too early discussion of sex questions with children: frank and premature discussion of these questions leads the child to a coarse, rationalistic view of sex, lays the foundation for the cynicism with which adults sometimes so lightly share their very intimate sex experiences with others. In these discussions, sex life is presented in a narrow physiological form, not ennobled by the theme of love....
When talking with an older son or daughter about sex life, its dependence on love can be established and a deep human, esthetic and social respect for these questions can be developed...
Sex education should be education for love, the cultivation of deep feeling, which beautifies the whole of life, its strivings and hopes....
How can this kind of sex education be carried on? Examples are most important. Genuine love between father and mother, their respect for one another, helpfulness and solicitude, observable manifestations of affection and tenderness; if this has been under the eyes of the children from the first years it will be a great factor.
Another important factor is the general development of the feeling of love. If the child has not learned to love his parents, brothers, and sisters, his school, his country; if crude egotism has begun to develop, it is hard to believe that he will be able deeply to love the woman he chooses. Such people often appear to have very strong sex feelings, but are inclined not to respect those who attract them, not to value their spiritual life or even to be interested in it. Therefore, they lightly transfer their affections and are often not far from depravity. This happens, of course, not only with men but also with women.
Love that is not sexual, friendship, long-lasting attachments to certain people, experienced in childhood, love of country instilled at an early age - this develops the capacity for high social relationships with women friends, and without such relationships it is difficult to acquire discipline and control in the sphere of sex....
We advise parents to pay serious attention to the question of children's feelings toward other people and toward society. Be careful to see that children have friends - brothers, comrades, that their relations to these friends is not casual and egoistic...
A boy or girl should be accustomed from childhood to order, not be indulged in a disorderly and irresponsible way of life; such habits will be carried over to the relations between men and women....