United States

A Letter from the Heights of UAW Leadership

By Colonel Malarkey

The letter below is signed by Colonel Malarkey, VIP and Director-in-Chief, UAW Chrysler Department. We suspect it may be a forgery perpetrated by a certain trouble-maker who is one of the leaders of a group of rabble rousers who call themselves, Soldiers of Solidarity.

—The Editors

To: All Chrysler Local Union Leadership

Re: UAW Chrysler Tentative National Agreement


We have concluded a hard set of negotiations with Chrysler and have a four-year tentative agreement. The International Executive Board, the Bargaining Committee and the UAW National Chrysler Council have approved the agreement. Approval was almost unanimous.

The tentative agreement is patterned after the UAW General Motors’ agreement. We got the wage freeze, the two tier, the special non-core, the COLA diversion, the 2 years and a wake up JOB Bank, and of course, the VEBA funded at a full 50 percent.

Under the tentative agreement, all our retirees’ health care was secured for life because we promise to only invest VEBA funds in casinos organized by the UAW. We secured the pension despite the VEBA deduction “pass through” by reducing long term cost through a once and for all termination of all pension benefits for new hires.

In addition, we were able to achieve entitlements for our members that go beyond pattern—we call this “pattern-plus” minus the jobs for temporary workers, and a sliding scale on product commitment that further reduces our dependency on permanent workers.

As a part of the “pattern-plus” minus formula, workers will start with a $1.06 COLA float and it will be reduced to a nickel. This pretty much follows the pattern.

These and other items (many more of which will be disclosed after ratification) are unprecedented. For example, the non-core status of Toledo Machining, Detroit Axle, Marysville Axle, 19 Parts Depots, and the whole Transport division will make these facilities much more attractive to prospective buyers and the workers will come with ready made UAW representation in case further protections for employers are required.

At this time the International Union is asking that all appointed union representatives stand in solidarity with the company in support of this tentative agreement. Educate yourself on the contents of the highlights but don’t bother to read the actual contract. Seek out workers and show your support for us by telling them, “You’re lucky to have a job.”

There are some disloyal members who are trying to divide our union by objecting to items like two tier. We call them “dividers.” Don’t listen to them. They only want to divide our solidarity. Divert attention from their criticisms by accusing them of charges unrelated to the contract.

Use discretion. One brother accused the dividers of being communists. He was well intentioned but a bit outdated as all our parent companies have intimate relations with China. We don’t want to upset management. Instead, question their connections to the notorious Reuther family.

After you have finished reading this letter, sign it and date it, and return it in the postage paid envelope so we can be sure you want to keep your appointment. If we don’t receive your signed and dated response ASAP, we will assume you want to go back on the line.

In Solidarity,

Colonel Malarkey

VIP and Director-in-Chief

UAW Chrysler Department